


The drunk mind speaks the sober heart

by Sylencia



Series: The way to forgiveness [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bullying, Drunkenness, Fights, Forgiveness, Kinda, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Roommates, no beta we die like men, well mentions of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 16:59:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13594446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylencia/pseuds/Sylencia
Summary: A week has passed since Tobirama came back home completely drunk and designed the Plane of Love. A week since he started avoiding him and Madara has enough and wants to talk it out with him. This situation can't last, it's annoying. But of course, it was meant to backfire ..





	The drunk mind speaks the sober heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hi !  
> So, I've been hesitating to post this for a very long time. I've finished writing it weeks ago but I couldn't decide if I should upload it or not. I decided to publish it so here it is.  
> Why did I hesitate so much ? Because of what this is about. Bullying and forgiveness. And I know some people might not like it or even think I'm a bad person for it and I understand, I truly do. There are some people that crossed my path that I would never, ever forgive, for what they did to me. This is not about accepting or normalizing bullying from my part or anything.  
> That being said, if the subject makes you uncomfortable, please, do not read it.
> 
> As always, I'm bad at titles.

A week had passed. A whole week of awkwardness and weirdness and Madara didn’t know what he was supposed to do anymore. Well, he had a little idea : he and Tobirama needed to speak of what happened, of these unexpected revelations from the night Tobirama came back home drunk. Madara had gotten over the fact that Tobirama was able to design a plane while completely drunk, apparently he had underestimated the younger man quite a bit and even if he was never going to admit it, Madara had started to admire Tobirama for his brain. Really, that guy was another kind of smart, he was amazingly so and Madara had to use his calculator several times to check all the equations Tobirama wrote down and solved that night. All of the results were perfect and Tobirama did it without any help. Truly, this was the best proof Madara could have received concerning Tobirama’s high intelligence.  
  
But the rest of the situation still was stuck. Tobirama ignored him when Madara tried to initiate the slightest conversation, he turned away, grabbed his things and locked himself in his bedroom and Madara wasn’t stupid enough to force his way into the other man’s private place. It was one of the rules they settled for, when Tobirama moved in with him. All rooms were free for all, no restrictions unless there was something unexpected happening but the bedrooms were to stay private. And they never had a problem with it.  
  
Things had changed though and Madara was getting more and more annoyed with the way Tobirama kept avoiding him. And it wasn’t only at home ! They had stumbled each other on the way back from college and it happened before and they had been able to walk together in silence. This time ? Tobirama changed his course and made sure to arrive home first so he could lock himself in his bedroom again. And Madara was frustrated. Couldn’t the man grow some balls and act like a man for once ?  
  
Because that was exactly what Madara was doing, by trying to speak with him. After a couple of sleepless nights, Madara had realized that yes, he might be attracted to Tobirama. Just a tiny bit. Tobirama wasn’t ugly after all, he was cute even. Sure, he frowned a lot and he rarely smiled but when he did, his whole face would light up and his eyes shine that beautiful way. And Madara saw him giggle for fuck's sake. He saw Tobirama giggle like a teenage girl and it had been weird, at first but thinking of it again, Madara found it endearing and adorable, for a grown man with a usually cold demeanor to giggle when speaking of his crush. It showed what a good heart the man hid behind a thick layer of ice and Madara was more and more curious to see that ice melt.  
  
This way too short encounter had opened his eyes on the fact that Tobirama probably wasn’t just the bastard he envisioned for all that time, that he wasn’t just some walking Android that served as a brother for his best friend and it had been a nice surprise but also one terrible questioning period for him.  
  
He had been so wrong about that guy and .. and even if he tried to deny it at first, he did feel the need to kiss that guy when their eyes locked, the next morning, when Tobirama glanced at his lips. And yes it was stupid but oh well.  
  
Things like crushes and feelings and romances were stupid in their own ways anyways.  
  
And Madara was confused, too. Not just because of his own feelings, his own burgeoning crush on the other man but .. how did Tobirama even develop one on him when all they did ever since they met was to bicker so much even Hashirama gave up on trying to get them to go along together ? Someone as hopeful and positive as Hashirama gave up on them. And yet, Tobirama liked him in ways Madara never suspected before. Was Hashirama even aware of that crush ? Was it why he insisted so much for his little brother to take his place in the flat while he’d be away ?  
  
If so, Madara was going to strangle his best friend.  
  
That could wait, though. Hashirama was clueless for now, halfway across the globe and he had another matter at hand. He had to get Tobirama to talk with him and that’s why Madara took advantage of the fact the man was out for whatever reason, to enter his room, gritting his teeth because this was breaking their one true rule. He didn’t like it but he had no other choice. They had to talk it out, they had to sit down and empty their mind and heart and start things anew. Madara didn’t expect anything from it, he didn’t expect they’d fall in love and marry and all. Hell, he didn’t even think Tobirama was going to speak at all but .. they both were adults and they had been acting like children for a week. Enough was enough now.  
  
Madara rose from the bed, when he heard the front door’s lock click open and he wiped the sweat off his hands on his thighs, trying to find the right words, to find what he was going to say. He listened as Tobirama was putting his things away in the kitchen, he wondered if the other suspected anything at all. His throat was tight and Madara was feeling nervous but what else could he do ? All Tobirama did was fly away from the unavoidable conversation and Madara didn't like trapping him like that. He didn’t like it and already was bracing himself for the worst but oh well. It wasn’t as if he could abort mission now. There was no way he’d be able to sneak out of Tobirama’s bedroom now the man was back home.  
  
Tobirama didn’t notice him right away, when he entered the bedroom and Madara bit his lip when Tobirama locked the door. But the way Tobirama startled violently when he finally saw him made him want to snicker. He barely resisted, so much his cheeks hurt but he did step closer, putting a hand on Tobirama’s shoulder to help him relax after that while the younger man sat down on his bed, a hand on his heart and breathing deeply.  
  
“Didn’t know you were sensitive to jump scares,” Madara commented gently, rubbing at the man’s shoulder and he tried to ignore the way his body reacted to the touch, how it reminded him of that hug Tobirama pulled him into. It didn’t last though because Tobirama quickly shrugged his hand away, glaring at it as he did so and he shifted on the bed away enough so he wouldn’t be within his reach anymore.  
  
“What are you doing here ?” Tobirama questioned in a cold tone, his glaring eyes looking up at him. “We said bedrooms were personal, didn’t we ?”  
  
“Yes,” Madara acquiesced, he glanced at the bed, wondering if he shouldn’t sit down. He decided against it. “Listen, Tobirama, we .. need to talk about what happened.”  
  
“Nothing happened,” Tobirama stated, rolling his eyes. “I got drunk and I didn’t know what I was saying. That’s all. Leave now.”  
  
Before Madara could answer, Tobirama was standing swiftly, he pushed him toward the door with no gentleness and forced him out of the bedroom, before he closed the door again and locked it. A little surprised and stunned, Madara blinked, he shook his head but .. he wasn’t going to give up just now. This wasn’t enough. So, he knocked at the door.  
  
“Tobirama, come on,” Madara coaxed him, trying to keep as cool as he could despite how Tobirama just threw him out. “We have to talk about it!”  
  
“No we don't!” Was Tobirama’s harsh answer from behind the door and Madara rolled his eyes, he shook his head.  
  
“Why not ? We've been quite civil lately no ? It's not that hard and ..”  
  
Before Madara could finish his sentence, the door opened again, on an apparently pissed Tobirama. And Madara didn’t know what made him react this way but .. but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Tobirama looked angry now and … Madara didn't like it. It was a scary sight.  
  
“Don't say we,” Tobirama spat vehemently. “Don't you dare.”  
  
Madara stepped back, holding up his hands in front of him in a soothing manner but he couldn’t deny that Tobirama was freaking him out a little at the moment. In all these years, ever since Hashirama introduced the two of them, and they started with their familiar banters and bickering, Tobirama never, ever lost his cool. Unlike Madara, who was far more short tempered. But he did, now. And apparently, it came from just one little word. We ? Madara was confused.  
  
“Why that ?” He asked, in complete obliviousness and he saw something snap in Tobirama’s eyes, he bit his lip when Tobirama stepped forward with an accusing finger pointed at him.  
  
“Why ..?” Tobirama repeated, almost in disbelief. “I admit it Madara, I have a crush on you. I had one since I first saw you. It doesn't mean I want to do anything with you.”  
  
That was clear, at least, Tobirama did like him, it hadn’t been just some drunk babbling. Drunk men didn’t lie indeed and hearing one sober Tobirama say so made Madara’s heart flutter in his chest. It wasn’t often someone stated this like that so clearly to him. Hell, he didn’t think it ever happened before.  
  
But Tobirama wasn’t done just yet.  
  
“You’ve been bullying me ever since we met. Calling me names, saying I was weird and laughing at my face,” Tobirama spat out of anger, each word sounding like a new threat to Madara’s ear. “I even remember hearing you tell Hashirama that I freaked you out.”  
  
“Well you always wanted to meddle with us and annoy us with whatever ..” Madara counterattacked and it was bad the tone was rising but oh well. At least, they were talking. Almost yelling yes but .. talking.  
  
“With my drawings yes !” Tobirama interrupted, yelling this time and Madara stepped back. Ok, Tobirama was pissed off now, his cheeks red and his eyes wide with anger. That was bad. He never thought Tobirama to be such a passionate man. “Drawings I made for you ! Hoping you'd like them and maybe compliment me! Instead all you ever did was look down at me and be a crass with me. So yes I like you, I truly do, I’ve liked you for years and can’t seem to stop. But it doesn't mean I will act on my crush.”  
  
Madara bit his lip and he wanted to look away but he couldn’t. All he could look at was Tobirama, his eyes were glued to the man, his heart beating fast in his chest, his breathing coming out in pants. Because that declaration was .. it was violent. Drunk men didn’t lie, angry ones either. Tobirama did like him a lot but ..  
  
“But ..,” Madara struggled to whisper after a moment of silence and he stopped Tobirama when the man tried to close his door. “Wait, I think …”  
  
“You think you like me too ?” Tobirama finished and he rolled his eyes, before he glared again. “How convenient. So what ? You want us to act all lovey dovey out of the blue just because of it ? That's not how it works Madara.”  
  
“But …” Madara said again and Tobirama sneered, his teeth gritting hard.  
  
“Leave me the fuck alone now,” he spat, and Madara wondered if it wasn’t the first time he actually heard Tobirama curse. “I have work to do and I'll lose my scholarship if I'm not good enough. I have no time to waste with you.”  
  
With that, Tobirama slammed the bedroom door shut, with great noise and Madara stared, unmoving for what seemed to be hours but probably wasn’t more than a dozen of seconds. He wasn't sure what just happened, he wasn’t sure what to think of it but it hadn’t been what he had expected. Sure, he never thought Tobirama would fall into his arms just because they talked of that crush but .. but he hadn’t braced himself for such an exchange. And yes they did have some heated arguments in the past but never like that. It was never personal. It was never that violent.  
  
Stumbling back to his own bedroom, Madara locked his door, he lay down on the bed and he blinked. This .. this was bad, he thought. And now, he had no idea what he was supposed to do. With his own blooming attraction and the fact they did live together still. It had been annoying and tense that Tobirama kept avoiding him like that but .. what was it going to be, now they had this fight ? Now Tobirama let out his feelings like that and said several times how he liked him indeed but wasn’t going to do anything about it ?  
  
Madara could feel his guilt rise, as well. Had he been that mean with Tobirama ? Had he ? For Tobirama to so vehemently yell at him ? He always thought Tobirama enjoyed these banters, Madara often caught the corner of his lips quirk up after he landed one nice line and there always was that gleam in his eyes. No, truly, Madara did think Tobirama liked their bickering as much as he did. And it always had some entertaining side to it, as if they both had some fun while they said all these things to each other but ..  
  
What if he had been wrong all along ? What if Tobirama liked that, just because it allowed him to take revenge on him ? For being so mean with him for all that time ? And despite that crush that seemed to be older than Madara first thought.  
  
He couldn’t even remember Tobirama trying to give him drawings. Did that ever happen ? Drawings ? It confused Madara even more.

* * *

Things did become worse than they already were, for the next weeks. Not only was Tobirama avoiding him now, but when they happened to find each other in the same room, Tobirama ignored him, even for the most trivial things. Like that time Madara asked him where he put away the salt and Tobirama acted as if he was alone in the kitchen. The whole situation was getting on Madara’s nerves, truly, he was feeling worse and worse about it.  
  
But, at least, one thing was more or less clearer : his attraction for Tobirama was real. It hadn’t been only some fleeting moment, when he had realized that Tobirama wanted to kiss him, that morning after he came back home drunk, it hadn’t been only just some sexual need. He kept thinking of that hug again, the one Tobirama pulled him into, his entirely too good it felt on the moment, how safe and sheltered from the rest of the world Madara found himself. He couldn’t quite remember having been hugged like that ever before, not even by his brothers and Madara longed for such an embrace again. That was when he realized that his attraction ran deeper into him than he first thought. He had been so oblivious before.  
  
But Tobirama wasn't changing his behavior, even two months after their “conversation” and Madara needed help. He needed the help of one of the people who knew him the best and that’s why he found himself calling his best friend, already knowing he might regret it, at some point. Hashirama was a good friend but Hashirama was Hashirama. Even as he was learning to become a doctor, the man had no hold on himself, when it came to his friends or his family and Madara hoped he would receive any proper advice. And he could have asked any of his brothers but … they would have known whom he would be talking about right away. Hashirama wouldn’t get it. Especially not on the phone.  
  
Calling the man wasn’t the easiest task, though, as he was halfway across the globe but Madara counted the hours carefully several times, before he made the call and he waited impatiently as his app was ringing on his phone, trying to reach Hashirama’s. Madara knew his friend had some low quality wifi where he was, and the call would probably cut at some point but it was alright.  
  
Still, he smiled, when he saw his best friend’s stupid face appear on his screen, smothered with pixels and there was a lot of lag but it warmed up his heart and Madara felt himself relax a little. At least, Hashirama hadn’t changed.  
  
“Hi !” Hashirama yelled and Madara was forced to decrease the sound of his phone, adjusting his headphone so he wouldn't turn deaf after that call. “Was planning to call you soon ! Things have been crazy here though !”  
  
“How is it ?” Madara asked, with a soft smile. He missed Hashirama a lot. Hashirama always had been the one he turned to, when things weren’t that easy, he always had been a comfort for him, the one who listened to him in any circumstances. It had been hard on him when Hashirama announced he’d be away for a whole year.  
  
“Amazing !” Hashirama answered with a big dorky smile. “And I found my future wife !”  
  
Alright, this, Madara hadn’t planned on hearing it and his eyes widened as he stared at the screen. Future wife !? What was Hashirama talking about now ?  
  
“Mito, look it’s Mada ! Say hi!” Hashirama called, his eyes shining hard and the camera turned to a beautiful lady in a military outfit with surprising red hair. She smiled, waved almost shyly and Hashirama cooed, whispering how adorable she was. “She’s one of our guards here. You’ve seen the news, the war is quite bad so they assigned us a whole squad. I fell in love instantly !”  
  
“Dude, don’t fuck your guard,” Madara rolled his eyes, chuckling and Hashirama shook his head.  
  
“No !” He yelled and Madara winced, he was definitely going to be deaf after that call. “Not a hook-up! I told you, I’m going to marry her. You’ll be my best man. With my brothers.”  
  
Sighing, because he knew better but to argue with Hashirama, Madara nodded his head, in defeat and he forced a smile. The problem with Hashirama was that he fell in love twice a day, at least. He was full of love, and he believed in soulmates. He introduced him around a dozen of persons, saying they were to become his partner for life later. They all ran away from Hashirama, breaking the poor man’s heart, each time. But Hashirama never lost hope. Here was a proof of his passion. Mito was cute, yes and she looked adorable but Madara doubted it would last.  
  
“What’s the matter ?” Hashirama suddenly questioned with a slight frown and Madara looked up at his camera, he tilted his head to the side. “Your circles are terrible, something’s bothering you. Is it why you’re calling ?”  
  
Ah yes, Hashirama’s “perfect theory”. According to him, Madara’s level of stress or general mood could be measured with the circles under his eyes. Madara kept saying it was stupid but .. he was right today, wasn’t he ?  
  
“There’s .. that guy ..” Madara started and he sure as hell wasn’t going to say this was about Tobirama. “I like him. I think I like him but ...I was .. pretty mean to him.”  
  
Admitting it out loud made Madara’s heart ache but he didn’t have any other choice. Not when he had Hashirama on the phone and his connexion seemed to be stable enough for once. He only hoped they’d be able to finish that conversation without being cut.  
  
“Well that's a bad start ..” Hashirama sighed, he pursed his lips.  
  
“I don't know what to do. I just..” Madara shrugged, not knowing what to add and Hashirama snorted in a way that made Madara cringe. Hashirama only ever snorted like that when he was going to say something obvious. Madara didn’t like it.  
  
“Ever thought about apologizing to him ? Say you were stupid ?” Hashirama questioned, tilting his head to the side and Madara looked away. Here it was. The smartness of his dumbest friend. Something Hashirama usually hid well but then again, Hashirama wouldn’t be Hashirama anymore if he started acting as smart as he was all the time. His extravagant and extrovert personality made him the way he was. Madara liked him just like that, even if he was very much aware of Hashirama’s intelligence. Hell, the man was studying to become a doctor ! He wasn’t the dumb kid teachers painted him to be, when in high school.  
  
“No,” Madara admitted after a moment, he sighed. “I should. Probably. Don’t know if it’ll make any difference.”  
  
“You should try,” Hashirama said with a wink and Madara didn’t miss the glance he shot toward that cute guard of his. “It does wonders! I’m sure he’ll forgive you afterwards !”  
  
Maybe Tobirama would, Madara thought as he settled more comfortably in his pillows and he sighed. He probably should have apologized that day, when they argued but .. He had been so caught up with Tobirama’s honesty, how Tobirama admitted out loud to like him indeed but how he didn’t want anything to do with him. Madara hadn’t stopped thinking of it for the past two months, because of how violent it had been and yes, he understood, Tobirama had no obligation toward him but .. Yeah. Madara was going to apologize. Even if it took him a lot to do so. And at least, it couldn’t make things worse than they were now, could it ?  
  
After that subject was closed, Madara listened to Hashirama’s excited babbling with attention. Sure, half the things Hashirama were speaking about were trivial and useless but Madara missed his friend dearly, he truly did and listening to his little stories was making him feel better than he had been the last two months. It was the first time since they met that they were taken apart for so long, and Madara knew it was stupid he was that attached to Hashirama but .. Hashirama had been one of the first people outside his family to care that much for him. Madara never really had many friends, before him, acquaintances mainly. No one he was really close with. He had his siblings and it had been enough for him for a long time.  
  
That was what he thought until he met with Hashirama. It changed his life, really. It changed a lot of things and Madara loved the dork as much he loved his brothers.  
  
The call lasted and lasted, the two of them catching up a lot of time and Madara’s mind kept wandering about Hashirama’s advice. Would it be enough for Tobirama to hear him apologize ? Would he even accept his apology ? Would he listen to him ? React at all ? He had looked so cold lately, colder than he ever was and Madara didn’t like that.  
  
It was only when Madara couldn’t stop yawning anymore and Hashirama had to go to work that they decided it probably would be a good idea to end the call, promising each other to speak again as soon as possible and Madara lay in his bed for a long time, many questions in mind but one idea set, at least. He’d try to speak to Tobirama the exact next day. No pushing it back till later, no change of plan. He had to do that, he had to apologize he was a jerk, if Tobirama was hurt that badly with his comments in the past. And Madara couldn’t even remember ever saying Tobirama freaked him out but it seemed it had scarred the man’s mind a lot.  
  
That had been sitting very uneasily into Madara’s heart for the past two months. He couldn’t begin to imagine how it made Tobirama feel.

* * *

The next day arrived way too soon and Madara was awake way too early for a Saturday but he wasn’t going to go back on his words. It didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous about the outcome of this new conversation. Surely, apologizing couldn’t make things worse, could it ? It was a positive thing. One he should have thought about way earlier, and on his own. And he couldn’t begin to imagine how Hashirama would have reacted, knowing he was speaking about Tobirama. Madara couldn’t recall one occurence of his best friend reacting about his brother’s romantic life, if Tobirama ever had one. Madara never saw him with anyone, ever since they started living together, he couldn’t remember any gossip about it either. Izuna knew everything and Izuna never said a thing about Tobirama having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. He would have told him. Izuna always loved watching the two of them bicker.  
  
Leaving his bedroom was the hardest part, this morning and it took Madara several minutes to actually realize he hadn’t even taken the braid off his hair but oh well. What harm could it do ? It was Saturday, there was nowhere he should go to, one proper lazy day at home. Well, not that lazy since he had a ton of homework waiting for him on his desk but lazy still. He could keep his hair braided for once and if it became too wavy, he’d just have to wash it. But his hair truly wasn’t today’s main subject of interest and Madara glanced toward Tobirama’s door from the kitchen, as he was pouring himself a cup of fresh coffee. Fresh enough that the smell still was lingering all over the flat, meaning Tobirama made it and already was awake. Good, Madara told himself. He wouldn’t want to wake him up. Hell, it was too early to do anything like this but better do it as soon as possible. Especially with how he should have done that the moment Tobirama spoke about how he had bullied him. Madara never thought of their bickerings as “bullying” but then again, he didn’t remember half of them.  
  
It made him feel like some kind of a monster, really.  
  
Madara finished his cup slowly, trying to push back the moment as much as he could, until he couldn’t do so anymore, until the cup was almost dry. He was nervous, of course and Madara wiped his hands on his sweatpants several times before he stood from one of the kitchen’s stool and stepped toward Tobirama’s bedroom door. He could hear some soft music coming from the other side of the door. He didn’t even know Tobirama enjoyed music, he never heard any noise coming from his room but now wasn’t the time to let himself be distracted.  
  
Knocking truly was the hardest part and Madara bit his lip, as he was waiting for Tobirama to come open the door. If he ever opened it. That was a doubt Madara had about the whole thing, would Tobirama even bother listening to him, would he even bother answering to his knock but Madara heard some ruffling on the other side of the door and he straightened, waiting until Tobirama finally opened the door.  
  
Tobirama looked .. neutral enough. Not angry, nor happy. Just the usual demeanor and Madara saw it as a good sign. It was better than having him glaring his way, or worse : being ice cold with him. Or so he hoped. But Madara noticed the way Tobirama looked at his braid, the way he followed it from where it rested on Madara’s shoulder to the end of if and Madara wondered, just for a second, if Tobirama liked his hair that much. If he had a thing for long hair to begin with. Now probably wasn’t the right time to ask himself such questions, though.  
  
“What do you want, Madara ?”  
  
Tobirama’s tone was neutral as well and it helped Madara relax a little, he looked away, he cleared his throat. He had tried to rehearse what he was going to say, he had tried to come up with a little something but the lesser the better, he had decided.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
The words were painful in his chest and Madara did his best not to show how much it costed him. He was bad at being sorry, usually, and he couldn’t deny that what they had before, before he realized he was attracted to the guy he thought he hated the most on the planet, didn’t help. He always saw Tobirama as some sort of a rival. Or an enemy. And he couldn’t remember why but saying sorry, even if he had the best reasons to do so ? It felt weird. And it wasn’t only a question of pride, it wasn’t only about him being too proud to admit it. It also implied what he did and kept doing was very wrong and Madara was only starting to realize how it might have affected Tobirama. It did affect him, considering what he said, the last time. Madara felt bad about it.  
  
“What ?” Tobirama deadpanned, his expression as blank as possible and Madara glanced up.  
  
“I said, I’m sorry,” Madara repeated, as truthfully as he could. “Because I was mean to you and I was a jerk.”  
  
There was a pause, Madara dared looking up properly, waiting for Tobirama’s reaction. But Tobirama wasn’t showing anything yet, he wasn’t showing any emotion and it was a wonder how he was able to do anything like this. Yet, Madara liked it. He liked how much in control of himself Tobirama could be.  
  
“Ok,” Tobirama articulated after a moment and Madara gave him a tentative smile. That was good, wasn’t it ?  
  
“Can we .. move on now ?” he questioned, hopeful, but he knew the answer before Tobirama even said it.  
  
“No,” the younger man whispered. He wasn’t cold, he wasn’t harsh. Only the plain truth and Madara felt his heart sink. Why did it hurt that much ? It shouldn’t.  
  
“But ..” he stammered, frowning, trying hard not to let his anger sip into his words. It wasn’t easy. Saying he was sorry had been quite difficult to begin with after all. “I just apologized !”  
  
“What about it ?” Tobirama snorted and it made Madara stare at the man. Now his tone was harsh. And Madara wished he didn’t even listen to his best friend’s advice. Even with how good it had been. “You think it's going to erase all these years like a magic spell ? You treated me like someone lower than you for years. So okay, you're sorry but don't expect me to swoon for you just because of it.”  
  
“I don’t ..” Madara stuttered, trying to keep his cool. “I don’t want you to swoon for me but if we could just …”  
  
“I said no,” Tobirama stated coldly, his eyes sending lightnings to him now. “Leave me alone, Madara.”  
  
The door slammed shut, Madara stepped back.  
  
Well, the older man thought, as his feet were automatically carrying him back to his bedroom and he sat down on his bed. This had been quite clear, hadn’t it ? And it hurt. It hurt so much, deep inside his heart and Madara wished he never spoke with Tobirama to begin with. He wished he just stayed in bed that night and never was curious enough to stay around Tobirama and watch him design his “plane of Love”.

* * *

The ruckus in the room next door startled Tobirama awake in the middle of the night. He thought it came from his dream at first, because the place usually was so quiet and silent but he blinked several times, sat up and the noise didn’t stop. If anything, it became worse and Tobirama turned his bedside lamp on. Was it a burglar ? It would be very unlikely, this place wasn’t luxurious enough to attract thieves, most of the people living around were students after all.  
  
A deep frown on his brow, Tobirama left his bed, he took the time to stretch as it didn’t seem like it was any kind of emergency, he opened his bedroom door and his eyes widened with the sight he was welcomed with.  
  
It was Madara. One hell of a drunk Madara, who had stumbled into the pedestal table near the couch. There usually was a lamp on this table, but it now lay broken on the floor, with Madara by its side trying to fit the pieces together as if it was some kind of a puzzle. Oh boy, Tobirama thought, trying hard not to facepalm and failing. He should have never left his bedroom. He was too tired to deal with a drunk man and especially a drunk Madara and he tried to turn away and lock himself in his bedroom again but he couldn’t. He felt pity for the man, for the state he was in. He never, ever saw Madara drunk before and Madara looked .. terrible. He looked like a complete mess and Tobirama couldn’t just leave him. Madara did help him, that night he himself came back home drunk after his friends convinced him to have “one or two drinks” with them. It was only fair he helped Madara in return.  
  
Tobirama approached the drunk man carefully, he crouched next to Madara, softly calling his name in order to catch his attention but Madara looked entirely too focused on the lamp he had broken, trying to repair it with cheer will. It was kind of cute, that Madara wanted to fix it so badly, jamming the pieces together and pouting when it didn’t work. And Tobirama hated to think so but .. Yeah, Madara was cute. Sometimes. When he wasn’t a jerk.  
  
He still had the conversation they had earlier that day in mind after all and sure, Madara apologized but it wasn’t enough.  
  
Something clicked in his brain at that, though. Was this a cause of their conversation ? Was Madara drunk because of his rejection ? If so, it was the worst reason Madara could have found to drink that much but then again, how much did he really know about that guy ? Not that much. And it only made his crush stupider than it already was. Tobirama still had no idea why he liked Madara that much. How was it even possible ?  
  
“Madara, come on, let’s get you to bed,” Tobirama tried to coax him gently, touching the man’s shoulder with the tip of his fingers and that, at least, made Madara react. The man’s head whipped around so quickly it made Tobirama wince in pain for him, his dark eyes widened in surprise and he let go of the lamp’s pieces he had been trying to force together.  
  
“To-Tobirama !”He breathed out, blinking several times. “Tobi, I’m so, so sorry ..I am so .. so .. so sorry ! Please forgive me ! I just .. I am a stupid man and I .. I ..”  
  
Tobirama rolled his eyes at that. Now he knew why Madara had been drinking and it probably wasn’t healthy but who was he to judge ? Madara had needed to get drunk to unwind ? Fine. It wasn’t as if he cared... Of course he cared, he sighed after trying to resist for half a second. He liked that stupid guy, and it was the source of the whole problem.  
  
“Go to bed Madara,” Tobirama muttered as softly as possible, hoping the drunk man would listen. He wasn’t good with people, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. How did Madara even deal with him ? Tobirama wouldn’t even know how to deal with himself while drunk to begin with. It had been his first time being drunk. And the last. Seeing what he did while in that state, Tobirama had promised himself to never drink again. Ever.  
  
“I never thought you'd be so hurt !” Madara started again after a pause and he looked half panicked half serious. Which was a weird combination but Tobirama didn’t know drunk people enough to know if this was anything normal. “I thought you liked .. our thing ! You liked it !”  
  
Madara had a point with that and Tobirama couldn’t deny it. He liked when they argued, he liked it very much. It was challenging for him to have someone willing to bicker with him about anything, all the time and it was so in a good way. Well, it turned good, after a moment.  
  
“I have grown to like it yes,” Tobirama admitted, and he sat down next to Madara, aware that this conversation was going to last for a bit. Mostly because he wasn’t going to leave Madara in his misery when Madara helped him that other time, it wasn’t fair. And .. Madara looked so much more honest, in this state, his dark eyes shining hard under the living room’s lights. He was beautiful, in a way. Tobirama was never able not to think Madara as a beautiful man but tonight, he looked even better. Was it because all in him was showing how honest he was ? Was it because his words sounded so true to his ears ? “Because it allowed me to insult you and unwind from all the bad things you said to me,” Tobirama added after a moment and it was the truth. And he knew how unhealthy it was but their whole relationship had been, to begin with.  
  
“I didn't think it was that bad ..” Madara blurped out, a focused air on the face and shaking his head as if he didn’t believe him and Tobirama felt anger sip into him but he did his best to keep it in check. Mostly.  
  
“Fuck Madara,” He cursed, resisting the urge to slap the back of his crush’s head to force some sense into his brain. “I was thirteen when we first met. I was thirteen and I drew things for you and you said I was weird, that I freaked you out. You made me feel miserable for years!”  
  
There, it was out and Tobirama did feel a bit better. Maybe he should have said that to Madara when Madara was in his right state of mind but … Part of him refused to actually hurt that guy. And Tobirama hated that part of himself but he couldn’t fight it much either. Almost ten years since they met, since he developed that crush on that guy and Tobirama was still unable to shake these feelings away. Even with what a crass Madara had been with him along the years, even with how bad it became sometimes. And it was frustrating for him, because his brain was aware of it all, his brain knew he shouldn’t even give a chance to Madara to apologize, it wasn’t right, he had suffered a lot as a teenager to be insulted that much before he started to fight back but his heart never listened.  
  
Knowing Madara might like him in return didn’t help either.  
  
“I'm so sorry ..” Madara pleaded again, with puppy eyes that’d make Hashirama’s uneffective and Tobirama sighed. Drunk men didn’t lie, or so he heard, once. Madara indeed was sorry, he did feel bad for hurting him and even if Tobirama didn’t believe him, when he knocked at his door that morning, he did now. Madara was sorry he hurt him. He was and it made his heart ache.  
  
“I know Madara,” Tobirama eventually whispered, looking away from these eyes he liked so much. “But .. I can't forgive you.”  
  
“Why not ?” Madara immediately questioned and he would have looked way too serious, hadn’t it been for the way he scrunched his nose and started scratching it.  
  
“Because it's too easy,” Tobirama stated, looking away from the man and he pushed his lips into a line, closing his eyes when Madara hummed in what Tobirama recognized as an understanding sound. Drunk yes, but Madara stayed Madara and he still was an intelligent man. Tobirama liked that in him. Not that he’d ever admit it. He liked Madara’s witty mind and how hard he worked for college and how inventive and good with his hands he could be. He remembered that one time Madara had been at home with Hashirama and how Madara built a whole boat model Hashirama received for his birthday but never managed to focus on. A couple of hours, it had taken him. Even with Hashirama’s constant babbling and interrupting. Tobirama had watched them from his own bedroom the whole time, impressed with how concentrated on his task Madara had been.  
  
He had wanted to build that model himself but Hashirama never allowed him.  
  
It was funny, now he thought about it, Tobirama realized after a moment. That Madara had been able to build that thing so quickly but couldn’t see how the lamp was definitely broken for good and he kept wanted to fix it. Was it Madara’s thing ? To fix things?  
  
“Let me give you a hug then,” Madara whispered after giving up on the lamp again and looking up with a serious frown on the face. “A big hug like the one you gave me.”  
  
“No,” Tobirama imitated the other man’s expression, trying to sound as firm as possible. “It’s late, Madara. Go to bed.”  
  
“Pleaaaase,” Madara all but begged him and Tobirama rolled his eyes, he shook his head. He knew he’d regret leaving his bedroom but he hadn’t thought it’d be that quickly. But as much as he wanted it, he couldn’t let Madara hug him. He wasn’t fond of touches in general. Well, he didn’t like people touching him at all, especially not people he didn’t like, he always made sure to keep his distances and that hug Madara spoke about, the one he gave the older man that night he too was drunk had been surprising to hear about. Tobirama still didn’t know what to make of it.  
  
Gentle hands on his shoulders startled him out of his thoughts, Tobirama’s eyes widened as he realized what Madara was doing but as soon as he felt the warmth of the man’s body against his chest, Tobirama stopped fighting. Not because he knew Madara wasn’t going to give up but .. But he gave in. Because his crush took over, because his brain shut down the moment Madara pulled him closer and only his heart subsided. Because this was the guy he had liked for so many years hugging him, even if he had been such a jerk with him. Hugging him like his life depended on it, arms wrapped around his neck, face tucked against the crook of his neck and Tobirama hugged back, biting his lip, resting his nose against Madara’s hair and trying to ignore how fast his heart was beating. It felt so good and Tobirama hated it. He shouldn’t like it. He shouldn't.  
  
Yet, he didn't pull back for a long time.  
  
“Alright now,” he whispered after a good amount of time, patting Madara’s shoulder and trying not to get too intoxicated with Madara’s perfume and presence. “Let’s go to bed.”  
  
“Tobi…” Madara all but moaned tiredly and Tobirama rolled his eyes, feeling like this wasn’t going to be easy. His assumption was confirmed when he tried to pull back and Madara’s arms tightened around his neck.  
  
“Madara,” Tobirama whispered in a warning tone but it was too late. Madara was snuggling against him, as comfortable as he could get considering their position and obviously falling asleep.  
  
Tobirama would curse all the gods and more, were he a religious man.  
  
Taking Madara to his bedroom wasn’t that difficult. Tobirama didn’t bother carrying him, he basically hauled him to it, not caring for the noise or anything of the sort. It was late, he was too tired to care anymore considering the situation. As he arrived in the bedroom, Tobirama looked around, rolling his eyes at the mess, he pushed the man on his bed but Madara’s death grip around his neck made him stumble across him and he found himself lying on top of the other man, probably suffocating him with his weight and he was pretty sure he elbowed his ribs in the process.  
  
That’s what he’d get for falling asleep on him and not letting go.  
  
But Tobirama realized he had a real problem when he was unable to pull back at all. Madara’s arms around his neck weren’t weakening, he wasn’t letting go of him, and Tobirama glared at the other man with as much intensity as he could, hoping it would do anything at all but of course it failed. Shaking Madara didn’t work either, nor did calling his name. Tobirama thought about slapping him awake but he didn’t. That would have been a bit too much, even considering the situation and he sighed, closing his eyes for a second.  
  
He was going to make Madara pay for this.  
  
Settling down in bed with Madara wasn’t easy. On the contrary, it was way too difficult, seeing how Madara still was holding him, how he wouldn’t let go and Tobirama kept gritting his teeth. Letting Madara hug him was one thing. Sharing a bed with him was another and Tobirama never did that before. He never shared his bed with anyone and he should be happy, considering his crush, it was happening with Madara but he wasn’t. For he spent at least an hour trying to find a comfortable position with that dead weight following each one of his movements and the only one comfortable enough for him to fall asleep was to half lie on top of Madara, his head against his shoulder with no pillow as his arms were too tight around his neck to allow him such luxury.  
  
And it took so long for Tobirama to fall asleep because of the ton of questions he had in mind. Did it affect Madara that much that he refused to talk with him more than he did ? With whom was Madara drinking ? How did he come home in such a state ? Would he remember any of this ? Was Madara that sorry he hurt him ? How could Madara look that cute while lightly snoring ? Was he in some sort of a coma ?  
  
Should he ever forgive him ?

* * *

The light blinded him as soon as Tobirama awoke from his deep slumber. He didn’t know the time but it was late, probably. And he slept well but he still was tired. And hot. Way too hot. Yet he couldn’t feel any cover over his body. Was it only the sun, warming up his skin like that ?  
  
Tobirama groaned, stretching, he rubbed his nose against his arm, trying to shelter his eyes from the light, he slowly opened his lids and he frowned when he realized there was a face so close with his. And he was confused, at first. Why was there a face near him ?  
  
Then, the events of the night came back crashing into his brain, Tobirama winced but he froze when the mattress moved, he looked up again.  
  
Madara was very much awake. He looked exhausted, with dark circles under the eyes and he apparently was as confused as Tobirama was. But he didn’t move. None of them moved, despite how close they were, despite the fact they were touching. Tobirama could feel a arm resting on his waist and it meant he was free from Madara’s death grip but … looking up at Madara’s face again, Tobirama relaxed. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say, he didn’t know if he wanted them to talk at all. Talking wasn’t their forte, that much was obvious.  
  
So, Tobirama closed his eyes again, he sighed, enjoying that soft moment for how long it’d last. And he didn’t forget about his feelings but .. but couldn’t he indulge into this at least once .. before going back to real life .. ? Couldn’t he forget about it only for a moment ?  
  
Madara moved and Tobirama thought he was going to leave, that he was going to go and he grabbed the man’s elbow, to keep him close. But Madara wasn’t pulling back. He merely shifted closer, he moved and Tobirama bit his lips when Madara kissed his forehead, wrapping an arm around his neck, keeping him close as they were lying face to face on their side.  
  
“Do you still have these drawings somewhere ?” Madara whispered in a hoarse voice and Tobirama’s heart sank, he frowned, as if he hadn’t heard well. “I would be very glad to see them.”  
  
Tobirama nodded. He didn’t move away just yet. He shifted closer, he hid his face against the crook of Madara’s neck and Madara didn’t move either. He wouldn’t forget but he could forgive, maybe. Eventually.  
  
Madara wanted to see his drawings. Something clicked, in him. Something that had been broken for too long already. And it was fine. Just like that, it was fine.


End file.
